“Baby don’t hurt me. No more.”
We at iLL love our music just as much we love our games. In fact, these two elements occupy so much of space in our hearts that we tend to forget that every now and then we must creep on Tinder and for organism’s sakes, swipe right. In fact, it was just last January that I was en route to meeting an angel who popped up in my grounded reality, until I realised that I left my iPod at home, as I dashed home I was greeted with the notification that my The Last Of Us – Left Behind DLC has been successfully installed into my PS3. You know what happened next? You got that right.
So, here we are, flanking at that absolute question, ‘What is Love?’; really, what the f#*k is love? Isn’t it the pairs you find in a video game that you can totally connect to, till the extent that you go figure out songs that best suit their relationship? I knew it; I decoded Haddaway before even he threw this question at every disc and radio station. Let the master of true love drive you crazy revisiting such relationships, and how one song can change the course of the meaning.
Characters: Amanda Ripley and the Xenomorph
Game: Alien: Isolation
Natural Song Selection: Every Breath You Take by The Police.
Our first hit pair deserves to be policed. Imagine the sleek and slimy Xenomorph watching over you, counting every step that you take, and making it a point to surprise you (Amanda Ripley) with a sudden drop that makes you go “OMG!” with your heart about to pound out of the chest. This song is officially a stalker’s hymn and I won’t mind imagining Sting surrounding you with saliva oozing from the vents and quickly going for the heart, with his tail. The Xeno is always two steps ahead of you, as you crawl inside every level and chapter believing that it is anyways present.
Characters: Mario/Luigi and the Princess of the Tower
Game: Mario Bros.
Natural Song Selection: Quit Playing Games with my Heart by Backstreet Boys
“Quit playin’ games with my heart/I should’ve known from the start,
You know you got to stop/You’re tearing us apart,
Quit playin’ games with my heart.”
Doesn’t this remind you of a frustrated Mario running from tower to tower, risking life, risking cannon like pea power, all for a woman? And how does every chapter, or world, or stage of a world end in Mario? That’s right, “Hey there, I just happen to look like the princess, but she’s in another castle, so you better hurry”. Doppelgangers and Star Wars Episode I: Phantom Menace all over again! You see, the fact that you are doing it wrong, at every corner and turn, motivates the plumber brothers to fix it right this time around, so that they get to save the princess and earn their rights to the loyalty. Here’s to a totally original love story.
Characters: Arno and Elise
Game: Assassin’s Creed: Unity
Natural Song Selection: Hey, Soul Sister by Train
When I first heard the Train song, my mind was in a mess. I was very much acquainted with the theory of incestual love and the Freudian theory. But I couldn’t simply ignore the imageries of the lipstick stains on the front part of his left side brain. And then Arno liberated my mind in the midst of the French Revolution. Always head for the French frontiers for vintage, kinky stuff; just like the act of falling in love with your adopted sister, until her eyes pop off her disfigured face. Until then give in to Train, and their myriad of ways to help you win your sister’s love, all in the wrong sense. For a hot adopted sister with a natural British accent instead of an obvious French tone, I wouldn’t blame Arno completely.
Characters: Your character and any other character from any caste, creed or species
Game: Dragon Age Universe
Natural Song Selection: Animals by Maroon 5
Look at how I politically avoided citing Nine Inch Nails’ Closer for a minute, and then resume reading. Count on Maroon 5 for all the raunchy, uncalled forms of love, whether it’s crashing weddings, making love in a moving truck or just being an animal in bed. And thanks to them, our strict government and Bioware’s erotic ways, it will be a while till I get to see what the hype about Dragon Age: Inquisition really is. But my firsthand experiences with Qunaris in previous DA’s equip me with solid imageries of ramming someone like an animal in bed, and if you are a Mage looking for real magic, you got to follow Maroon 5’s golden set of words:
“So what you trying to do to me/It’s like we can’t stop we’re enemies,
But we get along when I’m inside you/You’re like a drug that’s killing me.”
Yes, there you go, I’m Levine It already!
Characters: Nathan Drake and Chloe
Game: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
Natural Song Selection: Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard
Chloe, Chloe, Chloe, where would I start? She’s drop dead hot right from the first scene, you need to be reminded that this game was created and designed 6 years ago. Besides that, just like every mysterious, hot woman, she has the tendency to switch her morality, and that’s what turns you on. Remember the famous The Smiths song? “To die by your side, is such a heavenly way to die”? That’s what Chloe is all about, and this British Hair Metal band comes reassuring us and Nate that there are special beings on earth that deserve to be drenched and slimed in pure, raw saccharine. Those were my words: “Demolition Woman, can I be your man?” Chloe’s voice actress had such a hot British voice, that I actually had to follow her on Twitter. Damn, now that’s a confession. Now go to YouTube and replay the hotel scene, I know you’re dying to.
Characters: John Marston, Mrs. Marston and Bonnie McFarlane
Game: Red Dead Redemption
Natural Song Selection: Jolene covered by The White Stripes
There’s a difference between the original Jolene and this cover by The White Stripes, the fact that Jack White can role play anything in this world, especially a woman, and make you cry, is evident. The same can be said about Red Dead Redemption, it is Rockstar’s most emotive and emotional piece by far. John Marston’s rambling ways and his excommunication from his family builds a lot of hopeful and tragic sub plots in between. You do get to ride a horse, you do get to do fun stuff, and shoot people, but Marston would never touch a hooker at the Armadillo parlour, no matter how hard you try. The dude’s faith on his marital life and life partner is so strong, that it only takes one Bonnie McFarlane to merely scratch its surface. And I can hear a sad, less educated, husband deprived Mrs. Marston crying ‘Jolene, I’m begging of you, please don’t take my man’ somewhere in the back of my mind.
Characters: Jason Brody and Citra Montenegro
Game: Far Cry 3
Natural Song Selection: Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson
There is something in Citra’s eyes, besides the obvious sibling relationship with Vaas Montenegro that told me to be wary of her. That she can’t be trusted, that she isn’t the one to turn your back on. But there was an equally strong force drawing me closer to her. By the mid of Far Cry 3, Citra’s intentions were clear, there was never a moment between us when I wasn’t intoxicated and totally out of my senses. As the ending drew nearer, I possessed an option to save my friends and in-game girlfriend or return to Citra. Till then, the seductress had booby trapped me so bad, like all her previous victims, that I returned to see the end of it. Hence, MJ’s iconic song from my favourite MJ album of all time ‘Bad’ singing his heart out for an alleged woman who cheated on him.
Characters: Max Payne and Mona Sax
Game: Max Payne 2: Fall of Max Payne
Natural Song Selection: Do I Wanna Know? By Arctic Monkeys
“Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat,
Until I fall asleep/Spilling drinks on my settee.”
Admit it that you found love in the midst of a broken, alcoholic life, playing as a family deprived cop, Max Payne. That your love may have been more of the skin, but it certainly burnt your heart in dire times. Admit it, Mona Sax was more than the compatriot to save your faith and inspire you, even though the plot around you is crumbling, and your hopes are dashing past you. You never had the courage to see what’s in store, you got addicted to the present so much, without caring for what role Mona plays in your life. “Do I Wanna Know? If this feeling flows both ways” is thus the anthem of the Mona and Max love story.
Characters: Batman and Talia al Ghul
Game: Batman: Arkham City
Natural Song Selection: Runaway by Bon Jovi
Think of this famous Daddy’s Girl track from the 90’s, about a breakaway child who is trying to find an identity, and at the same time going off the radar about her choice of men. That’s Talia al Ghul for you. Even though Bruce Wayne wasn’t outwardly hated by Ras, he was nevertheless despised by the former, because of the father-lover rift that she would start at times. The opening riffs of Runaway plays in my head every time I revisit the scene where Talia chooses Bruce instead of Ras before he jumps into the Lazarus Pit. Besides, she’s a Eurasian bomb with a heart, so why wouldn’t you?
Characters: The Undead You and Emerald Herald
Game: Dark Souls 2
Natural Song Selection: Higher Love by Steve Winwood
“Worlds are turning and we’re just hanging on,
Facing our fear and standing out there alone/
Bring me a higher love, Where’s that higher love I keep thinking of?”
Greed is love, greed is human evolution. Continuing in your quest for greed, and letting yourself experience the joy of a higher form, comes heralding the real beauty of Dark Souls 2, the Emerald Herald. She strengthens your Estus, she levels you up, if you can lower your male ego in front of hers. At first when you meet her, she is reflecting on the sun kissed shores of Majula, talking to herself. She is the woman you need in your journey to conquer the Great Souls and redeem a decaying kingdom to its original beauty. The love you have for the Emerald Herald brings you back to her, every now and then. After all, your love for her forced the developers to introduce fast travel between bonfires right from the start of Dark Souls 2. You have enough room for improvement, and just like the woman of your dreams, she helps you realise your true potential, Dex 17, Strength 20, Agility 15 and so on.
- Trevor Phillips and Mrs. Madrazo from Grand Theft Auto V – She Will be Loved by Maroon 5
- Dragonborn and Aela the Huntress from Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim – Marry Me by Train
- Alex Taylor and Zoe of The Crew – Hello by Lionel Richie
- Vincent Brooks and Catherine of Catherine – Judas by Lady Gaga
- Your Sim vs opposite sex Sim from Sims – Word Up by Cameo
So this is us, cooking stories of love and benevolence out of simple encounters or short lived Triple A QTE. If you know of some solid pairs, do tell us what song goes best with them. And spread the love this season, stay indoors and just hit the SHARE button yo. Until then, see you.